A year ago, the morning slowly laid blankets of snow on the ground. I cancelled my appointments and stayed where I was because I worried I could get in a crash with all my kids in the car. Little did I know that right there in that house my son would pass away during his nap that same day. In the warmth and “safety” of the same house that kept us out of what felt like dangerous conditions.
Later that day as the flood of ambulance workers and firemen entered and after what felt like an eternity of chest compressions, one man looked at me. He asked if I was the mom, and I said yes. In a very concerned voice he said, “You are really calm…” And all I could do was look him in the eye and say that it was because “I trust the Lord and I know that my son won’t go home a moment sooner or later than He has planned.”
Psalm 139:16 NKJV — Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
And that, was entirely true. My Israel, my sweet Baby ‘Real didn’t go home in one tragic unplanned nightmare of a day. No, God had planned every single breath with purpose. He knew His final breath just as well as He knew his first. My son breathed every single breath that the Lord had ever intended.
Psalm 116:15 NKJV — Precious in the sight of the LORD Is the death of His saints.
The life that he lived was full. It was full of love, snuggles, kisses, it was full of screaming any moment that I walked out of his sight, it was full of international trips and many airplane rides, it was full of visitors who came from all over the country to meet him and love on our family before we left for the missions field again. His life was full of good things, good things that he for the most part was too young to soak in or fully appreciate. But now, his life is full of GOOD things that are beyond anything that I could offer, and which he can fully appreciate and enjoy. Israel’s life, his eternal life, has already begun. He sees face to face what is still my expectation and hope.
1 Corinthians 13:12 NKJV — For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
Of course, I bear the scars of a mother without her son. As we prepare the birth supplies for our baby girl’s arrival, we carry new fears that we never had before. There are things we feel we “need” to be prepared that always just seemed frivolous in the past. And yet we praise the Lord. We praise Him through all of it, not just through the parts that feel easy enough to bear. Because He is faithful, and no pain of this life can compare to the joy that we look forward to.
Jeremiah 17:7 NKJV — “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD.
Though we do our best to keep our kids safe from the storms of life, though I decided to stay where I was and avoid the snow storm… The Lord had a perfect plan, and sometimes, the hardest things hit when we are right there within our comfort zone, in our safety net. So don’t be caught off guard, remember that our trust needs to be in the Lord alone. That when trials come our way we would remember who our God is and that we would plant our feet firmly on the Rock, trusting Him with not only the good, but the most difficult moments as well.
Romans 5:1-5 NKJV — Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.