“Who am I” became “Here am I”
I came back from Southern Africa with a heart in conflict. I was fired up to be obedient to Lord, while simultaneously doubting my own ability to be used by Him. This week was spent ruminating on one singular topic: SURRENDER. One moment I was in class learning about the purpose of the Church body, the next moment I was wearing a gray beard and a white cloak telling Jonah to go to Nineveh.
Through a handful of outreaches, and many hours spent in class gleaning from Pastor Trent, and other teachers that are surrounding us, one instance really touched my heart.
On Tuesday we went to a dump. People live there. They have built houses out of trash. This isn’t a hiding place, or a temporary crash for some of them. This is their home: 30+ years of living with rats scurrying out from the crevices and their dogs starving.
We got to partner with a ministry that regularly holds a church service there. We walked around handing out dinner and sack lunches to the people, inviting them to join the service. And they showed up. They worshipped. They knew the songs. After the service taught by one of students, one woman made the decision to accept Christ. The angels in Heaven rejoice! But what really stuck out to me was somebody else.
There was an old woman living in the dump who was a follower of Christ. And her story is incredible. She was once addicted to drugs, in pain, and had no hope of being set free, until she heard the good news of Jesus Christ. A faithful servant of the LORD ventured to a dump to share the gospel with this woman. She wanted help. She wanted to be free from her addiction. So she got help, she went to rehab, she got clean from drugs, she started following Jesus, and you would never guess what she did next. She moved back to the dump. Why? To be a witness. She no longer does drugs, she is no longer in that pain or addiction. She has chosen to stay in the dump even though she could be living somewhere else, SO THAT she can now share the love of Christ with those who are broken just like she once was. She is showing us how to use our testimony to get ahold of broken souls who can tangibly see the work Christ has done in our lives.
How many of us look down on others who are living in sin and scoff, thinking, “how disgusting, how vile, how disobedient, how wrong are they for living that way” when we know full well it is only by God’s unending grace that we are not in the same position as them? It is because the LORD has kept me in His loving arms that I am not beaten and broken and lost to the world, chained and bound by sin. Who am I to NOT share that amazing news with them? YOU CAN BE FREE TOO!! Its true! you don’t have to live that way anymore, because Christ defeated the power of sin over you.
What a beautiful image of someone ministering to their “Jerusalem,” their neighborhood, and answering the calling the LORD has placed on their life.
That’s something I came into CSOM expecting to find. What is the call the LORD has placed on MY life? Who am I? What am I supposed to be? And what I have learned is that before the LORD gives you your assignment, you need to give him your availability.
Surrender has been this week’s topic.
When I thought I had surrendered everything, we hammered down some more, and I realized I wasn’t done. Again, and again…and again. I didn't realize how much of myself I was still holding onto. I like math, so this is the equation I am taking with me:
If A = B and B = C then A = C
If God is all things Life and Love and Light
and I am without God
Then I am Dead.
If a cup with the smallest amount of poison is filled with the sweetest drink, it is poisoned nonetheless.
If I am asking for the Holy Spirit, that sweetest drink, to fill me and guide me in His perfect will, full of life and love and light (because that is ALL that He is) yet I am still holding on to a part of my plan that I have not released to the LORD, or have not invited Him in to, then I am “poisoning” the plan.
The super awesome thing is that He doesn’t expect me to be perfect. Surrendering the dearest parts of your heart is terrifying. I am coming to Him, with those things in the palms of my hands, absolutely trembling. Crying before the LORD “you are worthy LORD. You are above ALL LORD! I surrender LORD. It’s all yours LORD. Do with me what you will….. but please don’t take away _____.” Enter into the blank whatever it is that you think you can’t live without, that you think is your happy place, that you think is even your life’s purpose.
As I learn more and more and lean into missions, considering the fact that He may not have that call for me. Am I ok with that? Am I surrendered to being called to stay here? To NOT be the one to go to the ends of the Earth for Him? Surrender is quite possibly the hardest thing you have to do in your walk with the LORD and yet, WILL yield the most fruit. And that is a promise.
“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of me will find it”
Matt. 16:25
“Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship.” Rom. 12:1
The Lord is refining me. And the more I surrender, the more peace He gives.
Prayer Request: He has placed a few countries on my heart, and I would love if you could pray for clarity and wisdom and continued surrender
Prayer Request: That any distractions would be removed and I could completely and utterly focus on the LORD.
Prayer Request: That I could have courage during outreaches to share the gospel. It is especially hard when needing a translator and street evangelism is something I have yet to master.
Thank you those who have financially supported me! I see your donations and I am continually praying that you would be blessed beyond measure.
I still have about $1,500 to raise, and the unreached people of the world will not be reached until the church comes together with one unified mind and vision. That “every nation, every tribe, and every tongue” would join the heavenly choir, that all would worship the LORD, the One deserving of all honor and glory.
I want to leave you with a quote from a book I read this week called “Absolute Surrender”:
“It is in hearts entirely surrendered to the Lord Jesus, in hearts separating themselves from the world. And even from ordinary religious exercises, and giving themselves up in intense prayer to look to their Lord - it is in such hearts that the heavenly will of God will be made manifest.”
-Andrew Murray
I love you, and God loves you infinitely more,
Jadyn Burnett
Login To Leave Comment