Just When I Think I Had it Down….
When the way is unclear and the answers illusive
He is different by far than our broken conclusions
You are not the God my pain has conceived
You are deeper and stronger than my eyes can see
Help me let You go
Help me give up control
Of the God I've made You
When my fear has contained You
- Let You Go, Will Reagan
Hello friends and family! I hope this newsletter update finds you well. I decided to insert a few lines of a song that I’ve been resting in recently. It perfectly describes the state of my heart. Every time I think I’ve “surrendered” I learn that there's a basement…there's always more. Looking ahead for the rest of this year, the way looks blurry and unclear. I know that the complexities and confusions I carry in my mind are not an accurate reflection of the character and way of God. I know that in my deepest and darkest moments, my pain does not paint God to be who He truly is. So in light of all this I must let go and release the God manufactured by my fears and claim the one of my faith.
A little glimpse into preaching class! This was my teaching from Philippians a few weeks ago.
The last time we spoke it was the start of a new year and I was deep in prayer for multiple things before the Lord. I will list some praise reports later, but here's some insight into what I’ve been up to! As most of you know, I’m still in the Missions Training Program where we have been continuing teaching weekly, studying the Bible and serving in the church. Since being out of school I have been blessed to be able to serve more in the church, spend more time with people in the church, and spend more time with the Lord.
I believe the Lord has confirmed some next steps for me, but I am continuing to pray fervently through it all as there are mission trip opportunities this summer here and at home. I’m trying to discern what doors the Lord wants me to walk forward in! One of them being to be a leader on the trip I did last year (CSOM) which would cost about $2,000. This opportunity would be an honor and a blessing, since this trip transformed my life last year as a student. So, in the midst of it all, I find myself desiring —demanding control and understanding. Feeling frustrated and oftentimes left in the dark about my own life! I know that there are realities and experiences that I desire, so I wrestle with the Lord. All of these thoughts came tumbling down to “Even If?” In moments where it felt like I reached the end of myself trying to figure out what the Lord is doing and what He wants me to do I asked myself that question. Even if the Lord never gives me what I want, will it be enough? Will He be enough? Even if I go months without getting anything I desire Will. He. Be. Enough? Will I look back and realize I only loved the God I made Him to be? The one who agreed and gave provision according to my definitions? The reality is it needs to be. He needs to be enough. I must be satisfied by the glory, privilege, and honor it is to even know my Maker, so that what He does with my life doesn't even matter.
So where does this leave me? Surrendered. I have thoughts and ideas but ultimately I’m leaving it up to the Lord. I believe with every part of me that He will ensure there is a seat for me at the table if it is a meal I am meant to partake in. So if you feel led, give, pray, or whatever the spirit leads you to do! As for these possible ministry opportunities, I can’t wait to see what He'll do because regardless I know it'll be GOOD! Thank you all for your continual support and care to even read this far. Please respond if you have any prayer requests or maybe you’re also thinking and praying through opportunities for this year, I’d love to bear these things with you. Well, that’s all from me. I’ll see you next month (or so).
Praise Reports:
I have a job!!!
Prayer Requests:
That the Lord would provide financially for where He wants me!
Login To Leave Comment