Since a child I struggled with depression. I thought something was wrong with me and felt this void with in. I never had a relationship with Jesus Christ. I was raised a Catholic and going to church was something we just did. I never understood why we believed what we did, it was just something my parents did therefore so did I. At a young age I walked away from Catholicism. When I was asked what I believed in I’d say, “I believe in God I just don’t practice any religion”. Although I grew up Catholic, I have an uncle who is Mormon and some family that is a Jehovah’s Witness and most recently a close friend who converted to Islam. I made a small effort to learn about their beliefs, but they just didn’t sit with me. I’d always say that I didn’t want to be a hypocrite and practice a religion I didn’t fully believe in. So, I continued living in the world simply believing there was a God and convincing myself that was enough.
At the beginning of this year, I had finally had enough of the way I was living. I was constantly trying fill myself with things of the world. No matter how hard I tried I always felt empty. One day in January after having a mental breakdown I started praying out loud, which was something I had never done before. I asked God for help. I told him I was lost, and I needed him. I told him how I felt weird about religion, but I wanted to get to know to Him. I just didn’t know how.
Later that day I was running errands with my mom. We were at Walmart about to check out when my mom decided to look at the shampoos and I walked into the card aisle. I remember walking in and there was no one else there. I was just minding my business when this girl I didn’t know walked up to me. She started talking I thought it was a little odd, but I didn’t want to be rude. It all happened so fast. She asked, “I’m not sure if you’re religious but I was wondering if you wanted to get to know God”. I got very emotional in that moment, and I didn’t say anything I felt like if I spoke, I would burst out in tears. I thought to myself, ” no way God would answer my prayer this fast” We ended up trading contact information and agreed to meet up for lunch someday. A couple weeks later we met for brunch, and she shared her testimony with me, and we talked about God and got to know each other a little.
It wasn’t until March that I saw her again. She had called me one day and asked to hang out and I gladly accepted. In March I had decided I was going to get my life together I even got a planner to organize myself. She invited me to a believer’s event at Cal State Fullerton.
The message of the event was “making time for God”. I remember thinking.. “that thought had not crossed my mind when trying to get my life together”. Not once did I think of making time for God. At that event is where I met my now close friends Maribel, Serena, Caleb and Joshua. They invited me to their church the following day and I went.
That service our pastor had mentioned how powerful music is and how the devil uses people in the industry to push his agenda. I had a ticket to Rolling Loud ( a r& b music festival) which I was planning to attend the following Sunday. Music festivals and raves were a big part of my life it was an environment where I went to feel connected to others.
Our Spanish ministry hosted a worship night I attended. I had never been to anything like that before. I was amazed to see people just simply worshiping God. I remember feeling almost uncomfortable, it was just a new experience but it’s was truly beautiful. Although part of me felt uncomfortable because it was new. Most of me felt this incredible peace. It took me a while of fighting my flesh but I eventually got on my knees and started worshipping God. I thanked him for answering my prayer. I thanked him for my life, I thanked Him It didn’t have to take me losing everything to find Him. I felt extremely grateful that I had finally found him. I felt his presence and I never wanted to leave. I later decided not to attend the music festival. After feeling the presence of God. I no longer wanted to be in an environment that wasn’t glorifying Him.
I don’t remember the exact date but a week or so after I fully gave my life to Christ. I was in my room all alone. I got on my knees and I fully gave myself to Him. I stopped living for myself and started living for Jesus Christ. I finally understood that any plan that I have for my life would never compare to the life that Christ has for me. Our God is almighty and all loving and although at times I feel unworthy of his Grace and love. He still loves me. I often catch myself thinking of ways to try and pay back what Jesus did for me on the cross, but I’ve learned that His love is not transactional. No amount of money or good works can buy our salvation, salvation is a gift from God. God loves us and he simply wants a relationship with us. He wants us to honor Him, love Him and share His word so others can come to know him just like I am.
The Lord is continually working in my heart. He’s helping me clean up the mess that used to be my life. Helping me work through traumas that I didn’t even realize I had. He’s redeemed the relationship I have with my parents. He has completely transformed me from the inside out. I’ve come to understand that I’ll never be sinless yet He loves me anyways. Giving my life to Him was the best decision I ever made. My life isn’t perfect and it’s not like all my problems went away the moment I gave Him my life. But life did get 1000 times better. I no longer suffer from depression. I no longer desire not to live anymore. His word says “Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalms 37:4 NKJV And so I have and His desires for my heart have been incredibly amazing. 
Jesus loves me and YOU!!! 🙂
