Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
As I wrote in the last study, I do not want to drop the ball on my parenting. The judgment seat of Christ is a chief motivator in my life. One day, I am going to stand face to face with my king and give an account of how I stewarded His resources. Beyond all doubt, how I cared for my family and raised my children will be considered towards the top of that account. I do not want to hang my head in shame on that day and admit that I should, and could, have done more to shepherd the family he gave me. Therefore, I am making it my aim to raise my children in the nurture and admonition of the LORD.
Growing Godly children can be likened to growing plants in a garden. In both, we must plant the seeds, pull the weeds, and provide the nutrients.
Pulling the Weeds
By “pull the weeds,” I am referring to discipline and punishment. Unlike the comic depiction of children as little cherubim, God’s Word teaches that children inherit the condition of sinfulness from their parents (Romans 5:12). King David was inspired to write that he was brought forth in iniquity and conceived in sin (Psalm 51:5). Likewise, David’s son, Solomon, wrote that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15). (I have never met anyone who trained his or her children to lie, but somehow every kid learns anyway). Therefore, because children are born sinners, it is our job as parents to direct our children away from their natural rebellious inclinations, and this is done through discipline (punishment). Furthermore, the recommended form of discipline in the Bible is spanking with what the Bible calls “the rod”. I know that this topic is sensitive to many, and that some might not look at me the same after reading this. Please know that I have come to believe in spanking because it is clearly commanded in Scripture, because I have witnessed its transformative power more times than I can count, and because it is easy to spot people whose parents failed to spank them.
Punishment should:
Be consistent. There is a direct relationship between a punishment’s consistency and its effectiveness. In Proverbs 13:24, Solomon wrote that “he who withholds his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently” (New American Standard Bible). Inconsistent punishment is bad because sin is like fire under a pressure cooker, and the longer it goes unchecked, the more likely it is to cause an explosion. Another problem with inconsistency is that it fails to teach children the sinfulness of sin. Imagine a scenario where I randomly punish my children for lying five percent of the time that they lie. What would my kids learn from that? At best, “Lying is okay, but making daddy angry is bad”.
Be fair. God is a God of perfect justice (Exodus 21:23-25). In the end, everyone will be recompensed perfectly according to their deeds (Revelation 22:12). In correlation to the character of our God, the punishment we give must be consistent with the violations we are punishing. We should never over-punish an offense. Nor should we under-punish.
Bring pain without damage. There is no secret formula for punishment. “Severity of Spankings” is not in the tables of weights and measures next to the maps in the Bible. However, I believe that aiming to cause pain without damage is a good principle that can guide spanking. The book of Proverbs teaches that the back is the right place to strike with the rod, and there is one place on the backside of human beings that can receive a lot of pain without taking any damage; the buttocks (10:13, 26:3). I emphasize this “common-knowledge” because I have witnessed scores of beatings that leave lasting impact, and it should be known that such punishments are immoral.
Aim at the heart. The book of Hebrews says that God punishes His children for their benefit so that they might partake in His holiness (Hebrews 12:4-11). The end goal of discipline is a heart that submits itself to the rule of Jesus Christ. We should not aim to simply bridle our children’s bodies, but to harness their will. In order to accomplish this, children must be trained to confess their sins before being spanked, and expected to apologize for their wrongs afterwards. However, this will never work if punishment is separated from love. Based on my countenance, speech, and demeanor, my children should know that I am not punishing them out of disappointment or anger, but out of love.
Wrapping up, Proverbs 23:13-14 says, “Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol.” This means that spankings are small consequences now, that prevent large consequences in the future. For example, the pain of the spankings my son receives for hitting his sisters has a good chance of sparing him from the great pains and consequences of beating his wife when he is an adult. Most importantly, by learning from me that sins will be punished, my children have a higher chance of fearing and submitting to the God who has the authority to cast into hell (Luke 12:5).