Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
If I am going to drop the ball on anything in life, I do not want it to be on my parenting. Noelle and I have committed to raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the LORD. I frequently say that “someone has to disciple my kids, and that somebody should be me.” For no one will ever have a better opportunity to train my kids than I will; Noelle and I are more biologically disposed to influence them than anyone else, and they are not going to get another chance to spend 18 years in the homes of any other Godly influences during their impressionable youth. Likewise, God has given the charge of children to parents, not to schools, churches, grandparents, or screens (Prov. 6:20; 23:22; Eph. 6:1-4; Col. 3:20-21). Everyone I have ever discipled, or ever will disciple, is or was someone’s child. Most likely, the reason they need to be discipled by me is that they were not discipled by their parents. By the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, in Proverbs 22:6, King Solomon wisely put forth the principle that adults normally behave the way they were trained to as children. People are like arrows; the best time to aim them is when they are still within your control. The time God has given children to be aimed is particularly from the day of conception (Yes, people start learning while they are in the womb) through two years old, as that is the most influential time in a person’s life.
I conceptualize the duty and privilege of parenting as gardening; just as there are three key things necessary to grow a healthy plant, children require three key things from their parents if they are to grow into Godly people. In both gardening and parenting, we must Plant the Seeds, Pull the Weeds, and Provide the Nutrients.
Planting the Seeds
The seeds of parenting are our teaching and instruction. Just as it would be ridiculous for me to plant the pit of an avocado and get frustrated six years later when it failed to produce mangos, I should not be surprised when my children turn out the way I taught them to. Teaching our children what is right should be done in three ways: 1) by example, 2) by taking random opportunities, and 3) by making regular opportunities.
Example. The word “Train” in Proverbs 22:6 might convey a militaristic boot camp, but it shouldn’t. According to the Enhanced Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew and English Lexicon, the term used in the original language actually refers to the practice of teaching a newborn to suck milk by stimulating his or her mouth with date nectar. With that process in mind, you could understand the verse to be saying, “your child will stay on track if you inspire him to enjoy what is right” (my paraphrase). In other words, goodness is an acquired taste that must be passed down from generation to generation. The best way I can think of to inspire my kids to enjoy Godliness is by enjoying it myself. How can I expect my son to love reading his Bible if I find it to be a chore? Why should I be surprised if my daughter doesn’t pray if she never sees me conversing with the Heavenly Father? If I find my rest in Netflix, I should not expect my kids to find theirs in Christ. If I find my pleasure in video games, I should not expect my little ones to find theirs in an honest day’s work. I can give my children the best instructions in the world, but at the end of the day, they are more likely to repeat how I lived than what I said. I do not simply want my children to know how to learn, work hard, read God’s Word, pray, and care for others. I long for them to love learning, love working, love getting into the Word, love spending time with the Lord, and love blessing those around them. The best way I can help them towards those goals is to practice and enjoy them myself.
Taking Random Opportunities. When God explained His singular nature to the Israelites and instructed them to love Him with all of their heart, soul, and strength, He commanded them to teach their children to do the same (Deut. 6:4-9). He explained that they should seize every opportunity they get to talk to their children about His Word, whether it be as they were sitting, walking, lying, or standing (verse 7). God desired parents to attach His Word to their kids as if it were bound upon their hands and foreheads (verse 8). God wanted children to be instructed when they were at home and when they were out and about in society (verse 9). Children never stop learning; therefore, parents should never stop teaching. Yet, all too often, the only instructions children receive from their fathers are in the art of keeping quiet. If your kids cannot gain the understanding they are looking for from you, they will find it somewhere else, and chances are that the knowledge they gain from elsewhere will undermine your good hopes and intentions for them. We must talk to our kids. If God’s Word is not enough to convince you, consider how there has long been noted a correlation between how many words children hear from their parents and how successful they are in life (Read: Hart and Risley; Sperry, Sperry, and Miller; and Romeo et al).
Making Regular Opportunities. Just as children should be systematically taught mathematics, children should also be methodically taught to live as Christians. This can be best accomplished through morning and/or evening devotions. Noelle leads the morning devotions at my house while I set out to work, and I lead the evening devotions. During morning devotions, our children take turns praying and practicing memorizing Scripture. In our evening devotions, we sing a couple of songs of praise and worship. I read and explain a chapter or so of the Bible, and then I pray for the family. Finally, we all sing either the Doxology or “I Love You Lord” as each child hugs Noelle and me goodnight. Nowadays, there are plenty of resources, such as Bible storybooks, available to assist parents in their practice of daily devotions. However, I recommend simply reading and explaining the Word itself. It might sound impossible for kids to sit and pay attention through certain parts of the Bible, but kids can be trained to listen. I believe it is worth the effort because it is God’s Word that is alive and actively works on our hearts (Heb. 4:12). Noelle and I also make evening devotions the time for family “housekeeping” announcements like “we need to behave better in church next week”, “remember that we don’t slam the bathroom door in the middle of the night”, or “10 more days until our guests arrive!”.
In the next issue, I will cover the idea of Pulling the Weeds, and in the following I will talk about Providing the Nutrients, but that is it for today.
May God richly bless you.
In Christ,
Matt Harris
P.S. Please reach out to me if you have any questions about any LITTLE HARRIS-Y.
Bibliography:
Hart, Betty, and Todd R. Risley. Meaningful Differences in the Everyday Experience of Young American Children. Paul H. Brookes Publishing, 1995.
New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. The Lockman Foundation, 1995.
Romeo, Rachel R., et al. “Language Exposure Through Conversational Turn-Taking Is Associated with Enhanced Receptive and Expressive Language Abilities in Children.” Psychological Science, vol. 29, no. 5, 2018, pp. 700–710. SAGE Journals,
Sperry, Douglas E., Linda L. Sperry, and Peggy J. Miller. “Reexamining the Verbal Environments of Children from Different Socioeconomic Backgrounds.” Child Development, vol. 89, no. 6, 2018, pp. 1970–1984.